Hi, I’m Maddy, and no, I haven’t hacked the blog. While my mum is lying down in a darkened room (after all the rushing around involved in running ‘a small hotel’), she’s left it to me to write this post.
Traditionally we go by the philosophy that the three vital elements for a successful holiday consist of working sanitation, a swimming pool that generally manages not to resemble Listerine and a working WiFi connection.
I took this to mean we would jinx the Internet.
No sooner had our problems with septic tanks and the swimming pool’s aggressively expansionist algae had been sorted out, we were cast into a whole new dimension of stress. And this time it was not due to my pantomime-composing father sitting at a malfunctioning laptop laughing uproariously at his own jokes and thrashing power chords onto a piano – echo pedal all the way down of course, or the dramatic effect would be lost on the walls.
Normally, a theoretical collapse of the internet would be a major annoyance, but this time it was a matter of life and death: this was the day of our most ardent online-shopping campaign to date, a triple-flanked assault on the LiveNation presale. The reason for this chaos? Evanescence (a gothic rock band for anyone that doesn’t know) had decided to cast aside their usual far-flung haunts that constitute a tour and come to Wembley.
At 9.15 in the morning, the race against time began. By 9.30, one credit card (and seats in Row H) had already been rejected. Dreams of finally seeing Amy Lee and co. had been crushed ruthlessly by Barclaycard and their idiotically precise password verification system.
Trying again, we found that most of the arena had been taken over by people with kinder banks. We gave in and asked for seats somewhere in the northern hemisphere. They found us some in Row W. Victory from the jaws of defeat!
Meanwhile, back in the real world, the aforementioned algae had spread out of the swimming pool and were now attacking the neighbouring field. Even mum and dad had stopped laughing at the theatre’s oldest jokes, and of course, it was only a matter of time before the pool vacuum cleaner failed…
6 comments:
I remember a Rolling Stones concert a 'few years ago.' A friend stood in line for HOURS and snagged what she thought were awesome seats. I called in and took pot luck. Ends up she saw none of the Stones...everyone stood up in front of her the whole concert. Mick Jagger singing 'Brown Sugar' danced along a cat walk. If I'd have leaned over the rail, I could have touched him! Hope your row W seats are just as awesome! Fun blog post..you're a clever writer (like your mum!)
I love Evanescence, but I've learned to keep their CD out of my truck, as it tends to make me drive like a lunatic. Congrats on scoring tickets, and keep your eyes on the up-front rows... sometimes folks don't show up, and you can go forward and take up the extra space once the show starts! I've done it a bunch of times, and I still have all my ribs (I think). My goth love was "Type O Negative", until Peter Steele died. Too sad for words, really.
Still giggling about the algae that took over the neighborhood!
A tale hilarious in the telling, but not so for you at your end. I love the way in which you race through the scenario pulling the reader with you ... exhausting in the extreme.
Hope your Mum has risen from her couch/bed/chaise longue in the darkened room (most Victorian) and is ready to resume battle with the algae.
Tell her that, at this stage of writing, my 'Violet Jelly' characters are doing battle with 'hydrilla'(a ceaselessly growing plant) trapped in a river in Florida. Coincidence?
Lovely to meet you, Maddy, and I hope that you will pass this way agin.
Excellent post, Maddy. You clearly have inherited the gift of prose. So glad you were able to snag the Evanescence tickets. My kids introduced me to them a few years ago. Hope that doesn't creep you out that an old person listens to them on occasion. I may be chunky and middle-aged, but inside beats the heart of a goth.
Hope you and your family enjoy your holiday.
Tell mum - after her siesta - that she is quite a host :-)
Nice to have you around!
Ha Ha terrific post!
Hope Mum is recovering well?
Jane
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